?

Log in

scarvesnhats

fic: nothing gold can stay

« previous entry | next entry »
Oct. 27th, 2009 | 09:39 pm
posted by: archduck in scarvesnhats

Title: Nothing Gold Can Stay
Author: archduck
Rating: PG-13 for language
Word Count: 555
Disclaimer: JKR has ownership. Alas, I do not.
Summary: Grimmauld Place, Autumn 1995. Written for prompt seven. ‘Why wasn't love enough?’
Other prompt entries: 1 2 3 4 5 6

Nothing Gold Can Stay

‘I felt like I deserved to be in there,' Sirius declared bitterly. He stared off into the charred, dusty fireplace of his ancestral home with narrow, angry eyes. ‘I felt like I deserved every single minute.’

Remus shook his head and gave Sirius’s hand a reassuring squeeze. ‘No,’ he said, shuddering. ‘No.’

No?’ Sirius echoed. ‘It was my fault they died!’

‘No,’ said Remus again insistently, ‘it wasn’t your fault.’

‘I should have been stronger. I should have trusted myself!’ Sirius hissed. ‘I should have trusted you. I fucked it all up – you, me, James, Lily, Harry...’

Remus sighed. He placed a cigarette between his lips and lit it with the tip of his wand. They had had this conversation countless times before. Sirius was stubborn, self-deprecating and despondent – a far cry from the self-assured, exuberant young man Remus had shared a flat with for three incredibly happy years. There was no reasoning with this new Sirius – this thirty-five-year-old man who would not be comforted, would not be relieved of his anguish, would not move on with his life.

He did,’ Remus said, sucking hard on his cigarette. ‘He fucked it all up – that stupid bloody rat!’

Don’t, Remus.’

Remus blew a long, thin stream of smoke from his lips, and cupped Sirius’s chin with his fingers. ‘You are not to blame. No one trusted anyone back then. I mean, even we stopped trusting one another, didn’t we?’

‘And now?’ Sirius asked, his voice barely a whisper.

Remus laughed and leaned forward, pressing his forehead to Sirius’s so their noses brushed. ‘I trust you to a frightening degree.’

Sirius pulled away and flashed a grin – all teeth and tongue – winking as he reached across to pluck the cigarette from between Remus’s thumb and forefinger. His voice was low and uneven as he murmured, ‘Likewise.’

‘I thought about using Veritaserum,’ Remus confessed, scowling when Sirius stubbed the cigarette out with a look of triumph. He had always hated Remus smoking.

‘Me too,’ Sirius breathed. He brought a hand up to the back of Remus’s neck, fingers stroking the short, fuzzy hair at the nape idly. ‘I was always too afraid of what you might say.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Why wasn't love enough?’

‘For us?’

‘Mmm.’

‘It was, Sirius. Don't you remember? We stayed together until the end because in spite of everything else, we were still very much in love.’

Sirius did remember. The clumsy drunken kisses, spontaneous fucks up against the fridge, belly-aching laughter and Remus's beautiful smiling face through it all. They had never stopped saying it, even in the midst of the suspicion that had kept them both up late into the night. It had hurt – burned and stung and ached – to think that it was his Remus, kind gentle bookish Remus, but there was never any question of not being with him. The very thing that had made his life bearable in 1981 was also the very thing that had made it so completely unbearable.

‘We stayed because we hoped we were wrong. And because there was never proof. It could have been anyone.’

‘What was it like, being proved right?’ Sirius asked, resting his other hand flat on Remus’s chest, and inching closer.

Remus rolled his eyes and let his lips brush Sirius’s ear as he whispered, ‘I never was, was I?’

Link | Leave a comment | Share

Comments {8}

missgryff

(no subject)

from: missgryff
date: Oct. 28th, 2009 12:52 am (UTC)
Link

<3 Beautiful. Their connection appears effortless, and you convey their love so well.

Reply | Thread

archduck

(no subject)

from: archduck
date: Oct. 28th, 2009 06:16 pm (UTC)
Link

I'm really pleased you think so! Thanks for commenting. :D

Reply | Parent | Thread

werewolfsfan

(no subject)

from: werewolfsfan
date: Oct. 29th, 2009 02:30 pm (UTC)
Link

‘I thought about using Veritaserum,’ Remus confessed, scowling when Sirius stubbed the cigarette out with a look of triumph. He had always hated Remus smoking.

‘Me too,’ Sirius breathed. He brought a hand up to the back of Remus’s neck, fingers stroking the short, fuzzy hair at the nape idly. ‘I was always too afraid of what you might say.’


Clever! I never thought of Veritaserum but then your reasoning, that how could you do that to your lover, is flawless too.
This is achy but lovely too:

Sirius did remember. The clumsy drunken kisses, spontaneous fucks up against the fridge, belly-aching laughter and Remus's beautiful smiling face through it all. They had never stopped saying it, even in the midst of the suspicion that had kept them both up late into the night. It had hurt – burned and stung and ached – to think that it was his Remus, kind gentle bookish Remus, but there was never any question of not being with him. The very thing that had made his life bearable in 1981 was also the very thing that had made it so completely unbearable.

Reply | Thread

archduck

(no subject)

from: archduck
date: Oct. 29th, 2009 08:01 pm (UTC)
Link

1. I ♥ your icon!!!

2. Thank you. It's great to know that you think the Veritaserum idea is effective. And I'm glad you enjoyed it! It's always helpful to know exactly what works, so thanks for the feedback!

Reply | Parent | Thread

livinglibraries

(no subject)

from: livinglibraries
date: Oct. 29th, 2009 06:41 pm (UTC)
Link

Yer ditto comments above I really identify with the part where Sirius is afraid what he might find out using veritaserum and would rather live with the doubt then find out for certain. Wonderfully done and the atmosphere you created felt real.

Reply | Thread

archduck

(no subject)

from: archduck
date: Oct. 29th, 2009 08:03 pm (UTC)
Link

It's good to know that you identified with Sirius's reasoning - I tried to make it as realistic as possible. Thank you so much, I'm pleased you liked it! :D

Reply | Parent | Thread

PaulaMcG

(no subject)

from: paulamcg
date: Dec. 11th, 2009 09:21 pm (UTC)
Link

I enjoyed your small gift so much that I had to come and look for more. This canon-compliant piece is wonderfully satisfying, too. I particularly love your Remus here: his laughter and smoking, and his beautiful smiling face in Sirius’s memory.

Reply | Thread

archduck

(no subject)

from: archduck
date: Dec. 12th, 2009 10:29 am (UTC)
Link

Thank you, I'm really glad you think so!

Reply | Parent | Thread